May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
