my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
