Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
