Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
