you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
