your thong is hanging out like whoa
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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