He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
