totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
