hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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