I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
