I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
