I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
