plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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