She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
