Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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