Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
where are my eyebrows?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
