this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
