oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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