You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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