you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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