so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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