Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
