Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
