Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Shame is for Republicans.
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