I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
