we're blogging at a bar
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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