I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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