her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
