im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
