You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
