when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
