He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
