...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
