I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
