I'm going to jail i love you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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