Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
