I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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