No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
