I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
