dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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