There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
