You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
