Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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