I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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