So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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