i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
