i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
