You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
