hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I believe in your delicious
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
