we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
