trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's get the cat blown out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
