the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
