when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
