I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
