Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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