he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
