Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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