the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
