Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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