I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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