Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If that was your dad, he is hot
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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