I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
