Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
