If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
