Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
