your parents love me but you hate me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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