i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize