I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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