u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
