so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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