U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
