his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
