Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize