his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
