It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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