I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The uberlube is also flammable
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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