I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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