Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
