So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
