Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
