i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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