he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
