I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
