You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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