in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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