What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
