It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
