I cannot find my penis.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
