I wish I could teleport
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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