What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
