if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
