Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
