in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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