We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
