Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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