i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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