Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
