My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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