Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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