just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I currently don't understand fingers.
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