im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
