im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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