It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
