You work out of a Hotel?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
